Move it, Sister.

Dear Baby Girl:

Please come a little early. Anytime after 37 weeks and 1 day is perfectly fine with me. I promise to give you lots of boobs and buy you whatever you want when you are 13.

Mommy implores you to take pity and desist with the relentless pelvic abuse.

Thank you for your consideration.

Love,
Mommy

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Rumor is I am due on, like, June 3rd. But here's the thing...there's no freaking way this baby is going to stay in there that long. Sorry, it just isn't going to happen. I am huge. And dying of painness. My belly button is missing and in its place is this throbbing, tender oval where a tiny little foot (or ankle or knee) will periodically push through and threaten to tear the fascia and skin beyond. What makes this little oval so gosh-darn special is that it just happens to coincide with the site of my uterine surgical scar. Yes. Uterine surgical scar. The place where a cyst used to live on my innards. The place where, when we learned we were pregnant a second time, I was already beginning to feel twinges of a new cyst growing. I cannot accurately express to you what it feels like to have a tiny foot put pressure on such a spot, so I guess I'll settle for "ouch".

She's also dropped. She might pop back up again and everything, given how we still have 8 weeks to go, but she's putting all kinds of pressure on my lower parts and lower back, infuriating my sciatica/SI issues and generally making me miserable. If I did not love this wretched baby so damn much, I might just beat her. No, check that, gunna beat her anyway.

I'm not the only one who thinks I'm not long for being pregnant. Today the checker at Safeway teased me about having a whole basketball team in there. Or maybe just a three-year old, which might be sweet because I could skip past the whole teething thing. (He was very funny.) Patients in the clinic express dismay on my behalf when they hear I have 8 weeks left...I'm clumsy and imbalanced most of the time, and cannot stop myself from deep, heaving sighs every couple of minutes. Hey -- it's the only way I can get enough oxygen, OKAY?

Anyway, the really hard days have begun. Gotta fight my way through it obviously, but I'm seriously folks, this time around the third trimester is much harder. Cannot wait to push this baby out and get on with it!!