I don't kneed you anyhow.

So my beloved routine was destroyed a few weeks ago during an unfortunate training incident when I strained a tendon in my right knee. I thought it would be a quick recovery, but it's proven much longer and much more annoying than anticipated. I've tried not to get discouraged or to dwell on the fact that the progress I'd made in fitness to that point was starting to feel substantial. And that I was feeling really good and more like...myself. And now I feel flabby and tired again, and my knee hurts too, to boot.

Boo.

So I'm going to try again, but I'm going to do it a little differently this time. I'm gunna get back on that nose-flaring horse we know as Jillian, but I'm going to spend some hours in other things too, just to make sure I'm not setting myself up to get hurt too quickly again. (She's a ball-buster, kids, but her technique is imperfect, in my sub-professional opinion.) I'd do the gym thing, but family-time and being home is paramount this quarter. So I'll have to stumble along until a new routine develops.

Tiny Man is four and a half now, and y'all might recall that the last time I was really in shape was about the fourth month of my pregnancy with him. (At which point I stopped running and the rest is history.) 5 years is a long time to de-condition, especially when you've had not one but *two* pregnancies in its first two years. (That's right, friends. Tiny Man was 10 months old and barely weaned when Stinky's ovum was fertilized.) That kind of work is really hard on an old bod. I'm lucky I can still walk upright.

Don't get me wrong. It was totally worth it. I love my kids, love how close they are in age and I think back on those years of pregnancy and nursing with much fondness and warmth. Being Mommy is awesome, and I'd do it again the same way if choosing again. But, the work it will take to get even close to the place where I started from is hefty, and setbacks like tweaked knees are harder on my confidence than they ever would have been before I first got pregnant. I don't need to be that small again. My body is different having brought life into the world, and I am okay with that. But I would like to have more energy, and to feel more comfortable in my skin. I want to feel like I remember feeling then -- fit, spry and like trampolines weren't the enemy.

So. My new mantra. I will not be discouraged! I will take care of my body! I will love it even when I still have a pooch six months from now! And the next time I tweak my knee, well, I'll find some other way to keep my routine on-track. Even if it involves a shake weight.

Me, pre-babies. Sigh.